AFFIRMATIONS
Things that people repeat ad nauseam about what they would like to have happen in their lives, instead of actually doing something about it., Anita de Lujonne's definitive work, "Teach Yourself Affirmation Writing", shows that affirmations can be created for almost any situation, and gives helpful guidance on structure, syntax, accepted terminology and so on. Ample examples are provided, on all kinds of specialized topics. 'Affirmations for Constipation', for instance - "Abundant poos flow from me now with Joy and Ease".
Ms de Lujonne also provides a set of useful pro-forma templates into which you can substitute your own requirements. The classic form used for treating insecurity is a case in point: "I am Safe. Life is Safe. The world is a Safe Place. My job is Safe. My car is safe. My money is Safe. My pet gerbil is safe". Another good format: "Every day, in every way, my orgasms are getting better and better and better".
Recent research has shown that almost all adult affirmers displayed an identical profile when they were children at school - low self-esteem, forever in detention, and having to do lines all the time.
ASSERTIVENESS
Being rude.
AURA
The pioneering 'Concise Dictionary of New Age Blather' (Dublin University Press, 1899) defines the aura as "a wishy-washy, etheric kind of an energy-field type of a thing, which kind of surrounds the body, as you might say". Use of the term has since been extended to refer to anything that has this vague quality, or that no-one is sure about, or that might not exist or might not happen, or indeed may only be a substitute for something else. Hence, an aural phone message is one which the recipient says he will pass on to the right person, but will instead immediately forget because he hasn't written down. Aural contraception is what which, as often as not, one forgets to take; and so on. Likewise aural tradition, aural sex etc etc.
BEAVERWEAVER
Male who poses as a shaman in order to pull women.
CHAKRAS
The body's internal centres of dynamic energy and excitement, developed since time immemorial by Indian yogis. The English name actually arrived as an ethnic mispronunciation of the word "chocolate" which, when it was introduced to the sub-continent this century, was found to produce almost identical sensations of energy, dynamism and excitement, only about sixty years more quickly.
CHANNELLING
An esoteric method whereby a disembodied voice is brought through from the realm of spirit, usually via a person whose consciousness has vacated his or her own body. The term is derived from that used to describe the habit of switching a television set rapidly between stations, performed by the same kind of vacant individuals, in a similar trance-like state.
Channelling ancient warrior spirits has become very popular among housewives and young children since they showed how to do it on "Blue Peter".
COMPLIMENTARY MEDICINE
Holistic health practices where the practitioner says really nice things to you, such as "That's a nice tie you're wearing today", "I must say, that jacket really suits you", or "Well Mrs Jones, there doesn't seem to be a thing wrong with you; that'll be forty pounds please."
GROWTH
Personal Growth was a middle-class social phenomenon which gained much credence in the 1970s and 80s. It was the spiritual component of what was then known as the Yuppie movement, and was the preferred path of the same people, who had grown accustomed to expecting the value of their homes, property and stock market shares to keep going up and up for ever. As the crash came, and advertisers of investment plans were obliged to point out to potential customers that 'values can go down as well as up', the same was realised about the form of 'spiritual materialism' known as Personal Growth. Unfortunately there is now a whole class of individuals who are probably permanently trapped in Personal Negative Equity (see also Personal Shrinkage).
HARA
The major body energy centre, acupressure point and meditation focal area, found near the naval. It is named after its discoverer, Matt O'Hara, a celebrated World War 1 spy, whose colourful career ended abruptly when he was captured and shot in the spot by a firing squad personally supervised by Adolf Hitler. O'Hara himself was an extremely interesting and charismatic figure, a shameless and irresistible womaniser whose code-name was 'Scarlet'. It was he, in fact, who almost posthumously coined the term 'homme fatale', referring to the mantra which he was uttering at the moment of his unfortunate demise.
JACUZZI
An approach to bathing that reflected the nature of the era of its invention - the turbulent and communal times of the French Revolution. The inventor was Jean Paul Marat, the radical polemicist, author and thinker. After inciting the Sans-Culottes to revolt, Marat became accustomed to spending all his spare time in the bath, which he invariably shared with his Charlotte Corday. This was probably a directly a direct result of the obligatory frequent attendances required at close quarters to the Guillotine, but mainly due to hiding frequently in the sewers of Paris from his reactionary enemies. It is also well known that the bath was where he was fond of doing his writing.
The device itself acquired its name when the Sans-Culottes, suspecting that their one-time hero was becoming debauched by bourgeois tastes for luxury and hedonism, stormed his home. Finding him, as usual, reclining in the bath with his concubine, they set about attacking him with pumice stones and cottonbuds. But in the end it was the treacherous Charlotte who struck the fatal blow with a lavatory brush, to cries of "J'accuse, J'accuse!". And this name has stuck, ever since.
KUNDALINI
The name of a famous Italian escapologist, and inventor of a method of moving one's sexual energy from the loins up to the crown of the head, though it is not known why this would be desireable. His notorious and fatal last escape using this method is did to have ended in terminal ecstasy.
MISTAKE
There isn't any such thing nowadays - there are only 'learning experiences'.
SHARING
A euphemism for 'talking about oneself'.
A whole distinct language has now evolved in 'sharing' circles. Strictly correct forms of response in particular have become established, and it is vital to observe them in order to follow protocol. Examples are "I hear what you're saying", "I really like where you're coming from", and (when the listener reaches ultimate boredom) "Thank you for sharing".
TRAVELLER
New-Age Traveller, or Crustie : someone whose main characteristic, (ironically, from the point of view of mainstream society) is the worry that he or she might not move on.
VAGUEY
A person who is unable to take any step, or make even the smallest personal decision, without first consulting an oracle, seeing a psychic or undergoing a course in therapy.
ZEN
A once-significant term whose content of meaning has consistently and systematically diminished through persistent over-use, until today it means nothing at all, as in "Zen in the Art of Archery", "Zen in the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", "Zen in the Art of Making a Nice Cup of Tea" etc etc.
Email: gerrythompson@hotmail.co.uk
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